


Aussies Will Be Aussies

by Peabean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Australia, Aobajousai, Australian High School, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Karasuno, Nekoma, What Have I Done, basically a parody of my life, it's the aussie au no one wanted, some of the content is based off real life experiences, they're all aussie now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 18:05:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19278601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peabean/pseuds/Peabean
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi had seen a lot of weird things in his life.But nothing could prepare him for Australia. It was like a cult, once you stepped foot in it, there was no turning back. You were stuck there. Forever.----Or: Yama moves to Aussie Land and discovers that it may be as weird as everyone says it is, but that's okay. We're all Bogans here.





	1. The Land Down Under

**Author's Note:**

> Hewwwo!
> 
> I know this idea isn't original, but I've wanted to write an Aussie AU for a while now solo yah. I wrote one for Haikyuu.
> 
> (Who doesn't love some good Aussies?)
> 
> The weird things contained in this fic are either loosely based off weird stuff that has happened to me or is literally the exact events that happened. There is no in between.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you like it!
> 
> By the way this isn't complete, for some reason it says it is? I tried ticking the box that says 'does this work have multiple chapters' but I guess it didn't work.

Yamaguchi Tadashi had seen a lot of weird things in his life. He’d seen an elderly woman whack a random person in the head with an umbrella, yelling incoherent sentences about The Reject Shop. He’d seen teenagers on the beach throw all their belongings that they’d brought with them into the ocean because it was to worship ‘The Great Squid’. (Except they were American tourists that had _really_ cringey accents and Yamaguchi didn’t even know if squids _lived_ in that part of the ocean.) He’d even witnessed a possibly drunk man steal a chair from a nearby kid’s store, screeching about finally getting Betty back. He’d then proceeded to smooch the chair, in all its dark blue and probably infected by children germs glory.

So yeah, he’d seen quite a lot of odd things. But nothing could have prepared him for the oddity that is The Land Down Under.

From the scorching sun to the drop bears and kangaroos, Australia seemed quite normal. Emphasis on the _quite._ Sure, drop bears and riding kangaroos to school isn’t really what goes on in Aussie Land. The beaches are pretty nice and the weather isn’t _that_ bad once you get used to it. But there was just something not quite right when Yamaguchi stepped foot in Australia. Like he was being initiated into a cult and the only way out was death.

And to be honest, it kinda was. Once you were there, you could never escape. _Never._

-*-*-*

The drive from the airport to his new home wasn’t too long, but it felt like hours. Yamaguchi couldn’t keep track of all the random suburbs and street names they passed, not to mention the traffic when leaving the city was monstrous, especially at peak hour. He was surprised at the sheer amount of road work detours they had to take, surely the road can’t be _that_ bad that you can’t even go to Coles without taking a detour.

He must’ve fallen asleep because he didn’t remember the car parking, or the scenery changing from a sea of cars to a nice, quiet street lined with trees, their leaves a bright shade of green. He didn’t know what type of trees they were, or why he didn’t see as many gum trees as he had previously thought. As soon as he got out of the car, rubbing his sleepy eyes, he immediately wanted to go back. The air was so humid you could fry an egg and the sun’s rays were so hot it felt like he was burning. Yamaguchi wondered how people actually lived in this place.

The house was a nice creamy colour with a red paved roof and a large tree in the front yard. There were tall bushes that lined the area where the front porch was located, and _another_ bush that was so big it obscured the view of the front door. It was a shame really, the house looked so cozy and inviting but all Yamaguchi wanted was to go inside and get some air conditioning.

It was an even bigger shame to discover the air conditioner was broken. Well, not really _broken,_ it just leaked and more often than not, it would randomly turn off or the fan would start turning really loudly. The next option for a cool down was the built in pool in the back yard. Yamaguchi had heard about that pool when his parents bought the house, clearly intending to stay in Australia. It helped that they bought a house near a family friend, the Tsukishimas, but if the heat didn’t calm its farm, then Yamaguchi might just have to stow away on the next plane. Unfortunately the pool was covered in yucky green gunge and there wasn’t even a _railing_ so any unsuspecting victim could fall into its dirty waters. _Life can’t be worse than this_ Yamaguchi thought. But oh how wrong he was.

Apparently the moving truck had been delayed (most likely by the road works but we don’t speak of that in our Christian household) so they wouldn’t be getting their things for the next hour or so. It was a bummer really, Yamaguchi was looking forward to sitting in front of the fan they’d brought instead of suffering in the scorching heat. The best it could get in that situation was to lay on the cold tiled floor in hopes that it would be enough to survive without a fan, air conditioner or a pool.

-*-*-*

The first day of school was a few weeks later, when the moving truck had arrived successfully and they had gotten their much need cooling from a fan. The heat had gotten a bit better to deal with, but it didn’t help that the uniform for Witcham International College was full of dark colours. The only exception was the papery dress shirt that made crinkling noises when you moved around and Yamaguchi did _not_ want to put up with that.

So there he was, dressed in all navy colours, trying his best not to die in the sun. He didn’t need more freckles thank you very much. But it seemed like Australia had other plans for him.

It wasn’t a long walk to the bust stop, and thankfully Yamaguchi didn’t need to navigate there himself as Tsukishima Kei, the family friend, was there to guide him through the dangerous lands of Australia. You never know when a drop bear may strike. The Tsukishima family had moved to Australia a few years ago for a business opportunity and ended up staying there. Yamaguchi and his family still kept in touch and his mother was thrilled when Mrs. Tsukishima had offered a job position at the company she worked at, Yamaguchi’s mother couldn’t say no. Which brought upon the sudden move from Japan to Australia. Thankfully Witcham International College offered a program for international students, one of the main reasons Yamaguchi’s parents thought it would be a good school for him to go to.

Yamaguchi wasn’t so sure.

There was nothing wrong about Witcham, the building was in nice shape, the teachers seemed nice and the scenery was great. So why did he get the same feeling as when he first arrived in Australia, that once he was here, he would never escape?

Out of the various things Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had talked about on their journey to the school, his weird ‘friends’ were a constant topic.

“They’re crazy,” Tsukki had said, “I don’t know why I keep hanging around them, but oh well.” He shrugged after that, ending the conversation, leaving Yamaguchi wondering how ‘crazy’ these people were.

It wasn’t long before he found out.

-*-*-*

The assembly had taken longer than Yamaguchi had expected. Well, of course it would take long, it was _Witcham_ after all. As many before him had said, Witcham was famous for their assemblies. After hearing those rumours, he expected something a little more…professional.

He did not expect the vice principal to talk about Blinky Bill representing their Excellence. “We aim to be as extraordinary as Blinky Bill,” She said, gesturing with open arms to the PowerPoint above her, projecting the horrific sight of Blinky Bill for all to see. They hadn’t even bothered to use a picture from the original, choosing to use one from the animated version. Such heathens.

The assembly had ended leaving Yamaguchi and many of the other new students, feeling a little bit creeped out. Just a little bit. He already knew Australia was weird, but they weren’t _this_ weird, were they?

“Are assemblies usually that weird, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked when he and Tsukishima had made their way through the crowd of students that raced to the canteen before the garlic bread ran out.

Tsukishima laughed bitterly, “That’s not the worst of it.” Nothing else was said because they had reached the breeding ground of crazy hooligans and Aussie bred morons. A.K.A, the L Block, where Tsukishima and his ‘friends’, hung out at break times. (Tsukki refused to call them his friends, but Yamaguchi thought otherwise.)

The L Block was located in an L shaped building that partly surrounded the school’s pool, hence its name. The L Block. The canteen was situated next to the uniform shop on the vertical side of the ‘L’ shape. Rooms, 30-35 were located on the horizontal side of the ‘L’, along with a veranda area where green benches were built into the brick walls. An ugly typical green table usually seen at parks filled half of the area, as well as a small room at the very end which was a mystery all together. Yamaguchi didn’t know what was in that room. But he’d heard the screeches and yells as he passed it on the tour.

He hoped to never see inside it or hear the questionable noises either.

But he had to think about that later, as other ear-piercing screams filled his ears. The sight he saw was, as one would put it, quite interesting.

He didn’t know _how_ or _why,_ but a short kid with wild orange hair that stuck out at every end, was grasping a black and white splotched bird. Its wings flapped in all directions, squawking loudly from its beak, eyes sharp and calculating. A magpie. A fucking magpie. And this crazy kid was holding it like it was the cutest thing in the world.

“Look, Kageyama!” The lunatic boy exclaimed, “Isn’t it _cool._ ”

“Ew, no, put that thing down, dumbass.” The boy in question, Kageyama, scrunched his nose up in disgust.

“But whyyyyyyyy?”

“It’s a hazard. You could kill someone with that.”

“It’s just a _bird._ ”

“ _Just a bird?”_ Kageyama scoffed, “You’re giving Asahi a heart attack.”

Yamaguchi assumed the dude who was currently hiding under the ugly picnic table was Asahi. He looked a bit old to be a high school student, but Yamaguchi was raised well, and knew not to judge people by their appearances.

Yet he couldn’t help but wonder what cog wasn’t screwed right in the small kid’s brain. To pick up a bird, for one was kinda dumb and the bird would not appreciate it, but picking up a _magpie_ was just plain stupid. Basically a death wish.

“Oh hey Tsukishima, do you like this bird I found?” The orange haired boy held the thrashing bird out, as if Tsukki didn’t see it already.

“King’s right, you _are_ a dumbass.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kageyama said, frowning. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. It didn’t take long before the kid noticed Yamaguchi, by then it would be over. Yamaguchi would never have another chance at a normal life, one that didn’t include crazy people who literally held magpies like they couldn’t bite their faces off, because they _could._ Before Yamaguchi could blink, the bird was much closer to him that he’d like, its eyes staring into his soul. He stumbled back, desperate to get away from the monstrous bird.

“Do _you_ like this bird?”

“I…wouldn’t say it was a _bad_ bird,” Yamaguchi said, watching the magpie warily.

“That bird doesn’t belong on the face of this Earth.” Tsukki said darkly, making the short kid gasp.

“How could you _say_ that?” He thrust the bird out like he was proving a point, “Look how _cute_ it is!”

“I don’t think anyone but you finds that bird cute, Hinata.” A voice said behind them. A group of older looking guys, possibly year 11 and 12s, seemed to be watching the scene unfold from the sidelines, sitting on the opposite end of the long green bench.

“But Daiiichhiiiiii,” Hinata, (who appeared to be the kid dumb enough to hold a magpie like it was a pet in hopes it would become less like a demon sent from Hell) whined.

“Just put the bird _down._ ” Kageyama grumbled, “No one wants it here. Now it’ll come back.”

“Ugh, _fiinnneee,_ ” Hinata huffed, releasing the bird with a flourish. It flew away swiftly, before cawing harshly, like a warning that it’ll be back for blood next time.

Asahi released a breath before crawling out from under the wooden picnic table, “Please control yourself next time, Hinata.”

“Who says there’s gonna be a next time?” Daichi, a guy blessed with a nice build and beautiful thighs, said, before addressing Yamaguchi directly, “Did the magpie scare you?”

“He’s not a _baby,_ ” Tsukishima scoffed.

“Awww, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi cooed, earning an eye roll from Tsukishima.

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“Are you new here?” Hinata asked, peering at Yamaguchi curiously.

“Uh, yeah.” Yamaguchi answered awkwardly, “I just moved here.”

“Cool, I’m Hinata Shoyo, by the way,” He held his hand out as if waiting for a handshake.

“You just touched a _magpie,_ dumbass,” Kageyama pointed out.

“Oh, right.”

As far as introductions went, Yamaguchi was surprised to see that this one was completely normal. Hinata Shoyo, wild-haired and the human form of the sun, the kid who groped a magpie (the story changes every time someone hears it, only those present on the fateful day know the true story)

Kageyama Tobio, dark haired, blue eyed and serious, the kid who wants to marry Volleyball (it wasn’t specifically stated but heavily implied. Just wait until P.E class. You’ll see),

Sawamura Daichi, known for his tremendous thighs and leadership skills. Short haired and tanned, the perfect Aussie kid.

Sugawara Koushi, usually called Suga (kids are lazy nowadays, that’s why nicknames are popular). If you thought he was as sweet as he looks then you are mistaken. He knows your darkest secrets and isn't afraid to use them against you.

Azumane Asahi, the one who hid under a picnic table during The Incident ™, looks like a gangster with his lil goatee, but honestly he couldn't hurt a fly.

Nishinoya Yuu, the smol child who worships Bird Jesus (don’t ask). Gels his hair to look somewhat like a pineapple, and has so much hand-eye coordination it's scary. That ball yeeting itself into a supposedly unsuspecting victim? Noya's got it covered.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke, the one who created Bird Jesus. (Again, don’t ask.) The buzz cut and stone cold glares he sends his enemies, may confuse one into thinking he was a rebellious teen, but in reality, he couldn't be more of a mama's boy. These seven hooligans were who Tsukki chose to spend his time with, whether he wanted to die 24/7 was another matter, questioning life seemed to be a hobby when in the  _graceful_ presence of those idiots.

Yamaguchi was just a little bit scared.

 


	2. I'm Surrounded By Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happened during P.E class. 
> 
> Yamaguchi just finished rolling up a net so it could be put away when he heard a screech.
> 
> Yamaguchi’s eyes darted around the gym and then he saw it.  
> In a bundle or volleyball nets, was a figure that looks suspiciously like Hinata, tuffs of orange hair ticking through the holes in the net. He was wrapped up like the nets were a spider’s web, a dude Yamaguchi didn't know cackled, obviously proud of his work. Yamaguchi had no idea why it was done, or why it needed to be done.
> 
> It didn’t take long for the rest of the students to notice, and by then the random kid was still adding more and more volleyball nets. It would have gone on forever, net after net until all of them were gone, if the kid didn’t start rolling his handiwork around on the floor.
> 
> The worst part was that Hinata didn't protest. No. He asked to go faster and the kid happily did so.
> 
> Yamaguchi wondered what his life was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawao again.
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
>  
> 
> ...
> 
> enjoy this random thing.

The next few days were as normal as it could get with Yamaguchi’s choice of company. He didn’t mind hanging around Tsukki’s ‘friends’, they were quite interesting actually and always managed to get into some kind of shenanigans, whether it be in class, at break times or after school. Someone was always doing something and Yamaguchi was concerned for their health. Especially Hinata’s. That kid’s head wasn’t screwed on right, even after The Incident ™, Hinata still managed to get himself into some kind of odd situation that was better left unknown.

It happened during P.E class.

Looking back on it now, it wasn’t really _that_ odd, only the abruptness of it made it so.

It was the last double lesson of the day, before lunch on a Wednesday. Volleyball nets were being put away after their practice drills. Kageyama was supposed to put the volleyballs away but he’d run off somewhere, taking the volleyballs with him. Hinata was shouting some random nonsense as he usually did, a random student Yamaguchi didn’t know covered their ears. The teacher was nowhere to be seen, as was majority of the students. They probably rushed to the changing rooms as soon at the teacher left, hoping to get out to lunch early. Garlic bread sure was yummy.

Yamaguchi just finished rolling up a net so it could be put away when he heard a screech.

Yamaguchi’s eyes darted around the gym and then he saw it.

In a bundle or volleyball nets, was a figure that looks suspiciously like Hinata, tuffs of orange hair ticking through the holes in the net. He was wrapped up like the nets were a spider’s web, the kid Yamaguchi didn’t know cackling, obviously proud of his work. Yamaguchi didn’t know why it was done, or why it needed to be done. Perhaps it was to keep Hinata quiet, but if that was the case it wasn’t a good solution. He was still shouting, as you do when you’ve just been trapped inside a bunch of volleyball nets.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the students to notice, and by then the random kid was still adding more and more volleyball nets. It would have gone on forever, net after net until all of them were gone, if the kid didn’t start rolling his handiwork around on the floor.

The worst part was that Hinata didn't protest. No. He asked to go faster and the kid happily did so.

Yamaguchi wondered what his life was.

 _Why? Just why?_  Was it really necessary? To wrap up someone in volleyball nets and roll them around on the floor. Whatever it was, Hinata seemed to be enjoying it. Yamaguchi couldn’t actually see his face, but the _‘weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s_ were a pretty good giveaway of someone’s enjoyment. The pace got faster and faster until the kid had another idea. He called forth his evil munchkins and no less than a minute later, they were lugging a large triangular object along with them. Yamaguchi recognised it as a gymnastics mat, one that was slightly elevated so it formed the shape of a ramp.

The mat was placed down in the very centre of the gym, before another, flatter mat was placed underneath. Yamaguchi could already guess what was going to happen, even before Hinata was rolled up the ramp at a concerningly fast pace. When he hit the mat at the end of the ramp, Yamaguchi knew that this P.E class was filled with lunatics.

It didn’t help that Hinata asked to do it again.

Again and again, Hinata was rolled up the ramp and dropped at the other end. More and more nets were added, this time being badminton nets. Yamaguchi didn’t know how long he stood there, watching the questionable activities this class engaged in. He could hear Tsukki mutter something about them being on crack next to him, and he couldn’t agree more.

It was then that the gym doors swung open, and their P.E teacher, Mr. Fingers, stepped into the gym. He didn’t notice the commotion at first, but when he did, he had to step back and _really_ look at what was going on.

“How’s Marcus?” Hinata asked casually, head sticking out from under all the nets. He seemed quite proud of himself for that statement thought Yamaguchi had no idea why.

Tsukishima just sighed.

-*-*-*

“So let me get this straight,” Noya was asking, munching on a green apple, “Someone wrapped you up in volleyball nets and rolled you up a ramp?”

“I fell as well.” Hinata corrected, “It was fun. Like, _wooooosh_ and bam, I was falling onto the mat.”

“And you wanted to do it again?” Kageyama looked curiously over at Hinata, probably wondering how insane that kid was.

Hinata nodded vigorously, “Yep! You should’ve tried it Kageyama! It was the _best._ ”

“I’d rather have Maths with Dick.”

Hinata gasped, “ _Why?!_ He’s a _nightmare._ Even I wouldn’t wish that upon you.”

“Who’s…Dick?” Yamaguchi dared to ask, slightly worried about the answer he would get.

“You don’t want to know,” Noya said darkly, Tanaka nodded in agreement, currently sitting cross-legged on the concrete floor.

“He will hunt you down,” Tanaka whispered fearfully, clutching his knees and rocking around, “I should know, I’ve experienced it. I spent the rest of my year 9 looking around every corner, waiting for him to strike.”

“That was two years ago,” Daichi piped up, “It couldn’t have been _that_ bad.”

“You weren’t there.”

The atmosphere was suddenly heavy, the air cold even in the summer heat. Yamaguchi looks around warily, trying to understand what was so bad about Dick other than the fact that he scarred Tanaka a couple years ago.

“All of you are weaklings,” Tsukishima said, seeming unbothered by the talk of Dick. “He was _just_ a Maths teacher.”

“ _Just a Maths teacher?”_ Tanaka squeaked, a crazed expression on his face, “You were lucky enough not to have him last year. You wouldn’t understand.”

“There there, bro,” Noya patted his friends shoulder, “He only teachers year 9s.”

“True.” Tanaka brightened, the contrast in moods was slightly concerning. But when was anything these people did _not_ concerning?

“At least you don’t get mistaken as him,” Asahi mumbled, sulking. “I don’t even _look_ like him.”

“You kinda do,” Daichi said, “Must be the bun.”

It was then that Yamaguchi lost track of the conversation, looking over at Tsukishima for an explanation. Tsukki just shrugged. How helpful.

“I think you broke Yamaguchi.” Suga said, packing his empty zip-lock bag into his lunchbox, glaring intently at it.

“Same lunch again?” Daichi asked, noticing the dirty looks Suga was giving his lunchbox.

“Yep. I swear I’ll never eat a cheese and butter sandwich ever again once I graduate,” Suga turned to Yamaguchi, who was still confused. Poor foreigners, “Dick is just a nickname we gave a teacher, who happened to teach Maths. We all know what a nightmare that subject is.”

Yamaguchi nodded, the struggle was real. “But why Dick?”

“Y’know Mr. Prichard?” Hinata asked, a glint in his brown eyes, “ _Well,_ Kageyama and me thought it would be funny if his first name was Richard. Like Richard Prichard.”

“And he’s a dick.” Kageyama added.

Yamaguchi nodded again, slower this time. He still didn’t understand why it was funny, sure, Richard Pritchard would be quite an unfortunate name, but he got the sense that there was more to the joke than what he was seeing.

“I don’t think he knows that Dick is a nickname for Ricard,” Noya whispered to Tanaka.

“I don’t think so either.”

So, the rest of the break time was spend educating Yamaguchi on the odd English nicknames that had graced the earth. He was curious as to how someone could get ‘Dick’ from ‘Richard’, but he didn’t really want to deal with the over the top drama Tanaka was putting into explaining this ‘Mr. Prichard.’ He kinda wished he appreciated the ‘Dick Talk’ because their conversation trailed onto something _much_ worse.

“Oh, and you won’t _believe_ what the Bogans call eachother.” Tanaka was saying.

“Bogans?” Yamaguchi asked, wondering what that term meant.

“They’re Aussies, but crazier.”

Yamaguchi couldn’t imagine anything crazier than the people in front of him.

“They’re so crazy,” Suga said, holding back a smile, “That they call people Shazza.”

There were various groans of disgust and some even covered their ears and wailed. Their precious ears had been tainted by the cursed word.

“Suga, no!” Hinata yelled, “I wanted to forget that!”

“We all did.” Asahi said solemnly. Noya said amen to that.

Yamaguchi cringed, curling into himself. Just the sound of ‘Shazza’ made his skin crawl uncomfortably, and he was sure the name was a curse sent from the demons.

“I don’t even want to hear that again,” Yamaguchi said.

“Why would you ruin Yamaguchi’s ears like that?” Noya asked Suga, who laughed.

“He needed to know,” Suga explained, expression serious, “Before it was too late.”

Yamaguchi wondered if it was already too late for him, he _was_ surrounded by idiots.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu.
> 
> Shazza is a curse that had unfortunately graced this earth. I'm starting a petition to get rid of it, it'll be nice if you could help me.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chappie!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so magpies are nightmares.
> 
> A bird did get stuck once in the locker room of my school, so my friend and her sister had to get it out by basically holding it so it wouldn't fly away. (Don't worry, they're professionals, no birbs were hurt.) So that's where that magpie thing originated from.
> 
> Witcham International College does not exist, it's a parody of two schools in Australia that I went to/am going to.
> 
> Oh, and the Blinky Bill thing actually happened at my school assembly. 
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you liked it!
> 
> (If you need help with definitions of the Aussie Terms, feel free to ask. Or if you don't wanna I guess you could look it up.)


End file.
